


Road Work Ahead? uh, yeah, I sure hope it does

by Angelfall (InfallibleAngel)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, Social Media, Tom isnt evil, this is kinda a crackfic but who cares im too tired to write anything real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 19:44:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15541620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfallibleAngel/pseuds/Angelfall
Summary: Social Media AU





	Road Work Ahead? uh, yeah, I sure hope it does

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for nothing

_Tom Riddle_ to _Knights of Walpurgis_ : So Bella has been taking offense to being part of a group entitled ‘Knights of Walpurgis’

_Bellatrix Black_ : who wouldnt

_Abraxas Malfoy_ : but knights of walpurgis is a cool play on walpurgis night! everyone loves puns

_Theodore Nott_ : smh I can’t believe you’re 20

_Bellatrix Black_ : ur dumb puns may have been okay when it was just u idiots and Tom but now that im here it wont do this isnt the 1940s

_Tom Riddle_ : So we’re now taking suggestions for new names.

* * *

_Tom Riddle_ to _Hermione Granger_ : You have no idea what I have to deal with.

_Tom_ : They’re all idiots.

_Tom_ : How much longer until your shift is done?

_Hermione_ : 23 minutes.

_Tom_ : Can’t believe you insist on working.

_Hermione_ : I cant take Brax’s money if I’m dating you

_Hermione_ : maybe once we break up I’ll allow Brax to become my sugar daddy

_Tom_ : Ha! Bold of you to assume he wouldn’t ask me out the moment I was single.

_Hermione_ : then I get Bella

_Tom_ : Don’t be silly everyone knows Bella’s in love with me.

_Hermione_ : you can’t spare 1 person from your harem for your girlfriend? I have a cat I need to feed

_Tom_ : Fine you can take Nott.

_Hermione_ : he’s asexual

_Tom_ : Exactly.

* * *

_Hermione Granger_ to _Tom’s secret party_ : any one of you near the coffee shop I work at?

_Bellatrix Black_ : ew no it smells

_Hermione_ : the smell is coffee, Bella that’s what it’s supposed to smell like

_Hermione_ : anyway I saw this cool book nearby

_Theodore Nott_ : nerd

_Hermione_ : it’s got emeralds on it and would make a great present for Tom

_Abraxas Malfoy_ : Granger we all bought gifts months back

_Hermione_ : What? What did you get him?

_Bellatrix_ : vacation

_Regulus Black_ : vip concert tickets

_Abraxas_ : a couple bottles of that fancy wine he loves

_Hermione_ : traitors

_Theodore_ : first edition of a book he wanted

_Hermione_ : who’s the nerd now?

* * *

_Bellatrix Black_ to _Rodolphus Lestrange_ : I dont wanna go for that dumb marvel movie

_Bellatrix_ : I dont like any of those movies

_Rodolphous_ : watch the venom trailer

_Bellatrix_ : I change my mind I want the best tickets for venom’s opening night

_Bellatrix_ : you know exactly what I like ily babe

* * *

_Abraxas Malfoy_ to _No Brax we cant be called Wildcats_ : snakes cant drink coffee bc it makes them viperactive

_Regulus Black_ : Quality 3 am chat

_Theodore Nott_ : what are you both both doing awake we have a test on transducers tomorrow

_Abraxas_ : Theo if you look really hard at your question you’ll find it answers itself

* * *

_Hermione Granger_ to _Tom Riddle_ : I think Bella just propositioned me

_Tom_ : Just now?

_Hermione_ : yep for notes about Othello

_Tom_ : Wow Reg was right, you really were her last resort.

_Hermione_ : you know what? When we break up im going to take her up on that you dick

_Tom_ : She’ll dump you once she figures out law students don’t have notes on Classic Lit.

* * *

_Regulus Black_ to _hsm 2 is the best one_ : Brax are you holding the christmas dinner this year or should I?

_Theodore Nott_ : I thought I was doing that?

_Abraxas Malfoy_ : no theo ur doing the end of finals party

_Abraxas_ : i’ll do the christmas dinner

_Regulus_ : fine i’ll do new year’s

_Bellatrix Black_ : why wasnt I asked to do a celebration?

_Regulus_ : Bella we’re cousins

_Bellatrix_ : so? cant believe my family and friends are sexist

_Rodulphus Lestrange_ : if Reg’s doing new year’s you’ll be doing it too love

_Bellatrix_ : i’d still liked to be asked

_Abraxas_ : fine gdi, Bella you wanna do new years?

_Bellatrix_ : not really

_Regulus_ : are you fucking kidding me

_Theodore_ : lol rip Brax

* * *

_Tom Riddle_ to _finals more like bye-nals_ : turn down despacito, a pre finals celebration isnt a real thing

_Abraxas Malfoy_ : despacito is a great song it motivates me

_Abraxas_ : it’s the new gasolina

_Rabastan Lestrange_ : lol despacito wishes it was gasolina

_Abraxas_ : Rab you rat! I thought you liked despacito

_Regulus Black_ : this is so sad Alexa play despacito

_Tom_ : Don’t you dare

_Rabastan_ : ooh toms really annoyed he didnt even use a full stop

_Tom_ : Don’t pretend you know what a full stop is.

* * *

_Hermione Granger_ to _Tom Riddle_ : come over my ethics prof is an arsehole who disagrees with everything I say and he’s going to give me a failing grade I just know it

_Hermione_ : Do that thing where you make everything better and less terrible by not doing anything

_Tom_ : Be there in 5. Make me some tea? I’ll pick up milk.

_Hermione_ : okay

* * *

_Theodore Nott_ to _Hermione cant draw_ : So hermione will be getting tom to brax’s before we all go to reg’s for new years

_Hermione Granger_ : yes, do you’ll want me to pick up some beer or something on the way?

_Abraxas Malfoy_ : please do not, you dont have a good taste in alcohol

_Hermione_ : I’m uninviting you to Tom’s birthday

_Abraxas_ : it’s at my house

_Regulus Black_ : I’m willing to host

_Abraxas_ : Et tu Brute

_Hermione_ : dont google shakespeare to make me re-invite you

_Hermione_ : though you did get the usage correct, so kudos!

* * *

_Theodore Nott_ to _the snack that bites back_ : Wow that embedded controller final sure was hard

_Regulus Black_ : Theo… it was on analog circuits

_Theodore_ : gfdi

* * *

_Tom Riddle_ to _Hermione Granger_ : I bought some earl grey tea for your apartment since you don’t have any good tea.

_Hermione_ : god, you’re so pretentious I love you

_Tom_ : Now that you have adequate tea, I love you too.

* * *

_Theodore Nott_ to _Hermione Granger_ : forgot to let you know but im throwing the after finals party

_Hermione_ : you want me to bring anything?

_Theo_ : I ordered a bottle of peach schnapps for me pick it up on the way?

_Hermione_ : done, anything else?

_Theo_ : no but dont drink it

_Hermione_ : you’re literally the only person i know who drinks peach schnapps theo, it’s disgusting

_Theo_ : once you realise that whiskey tasted like dog piss then you will be enlightened

_Hermione_ : it’s not enlightenment when you ‘see a new colour’ its a severe lack of sleep

* * *

_Bellatrix Black_ to _death has passed us_ : So we’re a no on the fire eaters for new years?

_Regulus Black_ : we can’t have open flame around mum’s tapestries Bella

_Tom Riddle_ : Bella curb your impulses, you can set things on fire later.

_Bellatrix_ : aw you guys are no fun

_Theodore Nott_ : Bella your definition of fun will send you to prison one day

* * *

_Abraxas Malfoy_ to _Snack Eaters_ : do’nt be late to my christmas dinner

_Rodulphus Lestrange_ : how are you not hung over?

_Abraxas_ : another of the many ways god has blessed me

_Abraxas_ : besides, I didn’t drink as much as you Rod

_Bellatrix Black_ : you didn’t need to, you still cried when you saw Hermione’s hair

_Abraxas_ : she didn’t even try to straighten it

_Tom Riddle_ : It takes hours to straighten and the party started as soon as the paper was done?

_Abraxas_ : she has so much potential, I cant even, a little mousse would also help

* * *

_Hermione Granger_ to _mcr posted to their yt and im not okay_ : Operation tom’s secret party is a go

_Hermione_ : we’ll be done in like 30 mins then I’ll get him

_Hermione_ : stop seening me you dicks

_Bellatrix_ : u are what you eat

* * *

_Tom Riddle_ to _Hermione Grager_ : I'm tired of my birthday party, you want to make out in Brax’s bedroom?

_Hermione_ : Obviously, see you there in 5

_Tom_ : I do love you.


End file.
